Our Source & Creator

If only there were a way to convey it all at once. If only I could, with words, communicate to you exactly what it is you are, what your true origin or source is. I can employ words and concepts that will provide a loose idea of these concepts but in order for it to be known to the degree of true understanding and an abolition of current beliefs that contradict the sentiment, one must undertake a process of renunciation. Renunciation doesn’t apply solely to the forfeiting of material things but also to the abandonment of all ideas, concepts, and beliefs. A new mind must be recognized, although technically it is not new at all. It just seems new to the one who is of the opposite mind. But when we first arrive in this world we inhabit a state of consciousness that is our natural state, it is only when we begin to understand ideas and hold them in our consciousness as beliefs that we begin to create the real new mind. This mind is of the ego, it holds ideas and defers to them as truth and inevitable. The undisturbed mind and the one that we all come to think of as ourselves are vastly different. 

I’ll just start here. For years I’ve wanted to be able to compile all the epiphanies and realizations I’ve had into one book for anyone to read and comprehend to the point of them having the same epiphanies and realizations occur to them. I’ve wanted this because for the majority of my life I’d been thinking. From the earliest days I can remember of my mind thinking to itself to when I was about 25 years old my mind never really stopped, aside from when I slept or intentionally lowered my level of consciousness by way of intoxication. It seems to me now that I had always been thinking because I have always had something to figure out, as if there was some knowledge just out of my reach that would appease my desire for understanding and satisfy my drive to know wholeness, or happiness, or contentment. 

Writing about this process doesn’t come easy because the memory of the process that occurred to me doesn’t exactly present itself to me at all times of the day. Perhaps because the process of coming to understand itself was arduous, and unpleasant, and downright torturous at times. I speak now from a place way beyond the consciousness I used to inhabit. And most of the time I can only speak of it from a place of memory, a repetition of a story that I stored in my mind after its inception because of its profundity.

This wholeness, I felt it, I experienced it, and I knew what I come to know because of it, but now, as I write, I only remember it, I am not in it in the way I was then. And quite frankly, I can’t be. To know that state of being, to be in it fully one mustn’t engage in any action. Any movement of the body or mind, any direction or focus of any kind, takes away from the overall feeling of wholeness that is that state of mind. I’ve often said that it is technically impossible to write about the truth, well as truthful and as accurately as needed to provide no state of confusion. But despite my own determination, I will still attempt to do exactly that. For the sake of understanding for all. Because although I realized these things many years ago(that it couldn’t be shared accurately only through words), at the same time I understood the necessity of an attempt. For I determined for myself that I hadn’t been living up until that point of epiphany, I had been unconscious, operating on habits and patterns that were instilled in me over a lifetime of experience and interaction with an equally unconscious world. I was driven by emotional delusion despite how much I preached that I didn’t let my emotions control me. I know what it’s like to live a life controlled by false beliefs and subtle emotions that result because of those beliefs. And I also know what it’s like to live according to what I deem to be the True Self. The Self that is not temporary, the only aspect of Self that is permanent. For everything we come to identify with in our lives, that we call ourselves, if analyzed correctly is clearly shown to be transient and even trivial in comparison to what the True Self is. 

I feel it is my duty to attempt to share what I’ve known because even the imagination or fantasy of what most would constitute as a “perfect life” pales in comparison to the joy and contentment one feels when all ambitions for that “perfect life” are abandoned. All the desires I harboured as my egoic self, I would gladly forfeit for the knowledge and understanding I now have. I care not for the money, the fame, or the recognition I once desired. I care not for the admiration from the opposite sex or the respect from the same sex that I so strongly craved as my former self. These things are but just that, things. Alone they cannot satisfy any real desire, they only offer a temporary distraction from the ultimate desire: to unite, to reunite, with that which we truly are, our Source and Creator.