Right Desire

What is the truth today?

Does it ever change? No. The truth is that which is unchanging. The truth of each moment is something that can change. In this moment, I am sitting in half lotus on a cushion in front of a computer. So far today I awoke at approximately 830am. Before I got up I moved my body around a little bit, activating my muscles. I then turned my attention to the clipboard on my wall where I have written some things. I said in my head some mantras that were written there. “I am grateful for love, freedom, understanding, abundance, connection and creativity. Strength, health, and balance.” As I said this to myself I tried to let myself feel what they meant. I then got out of bed and went downstairs where I prepared my breakfast of oats, mixed berries, pecans, and cinnamon. I ate it while I read a part in 'War and Peace'. After breakfast I then washed my dishes along with the dishes that were left in the sink. I then proceeded to my room where I lied on my bed, put on some music based in the 432hz scale and set my timer to stop playing the music after 40 min. I lied down and let myself be for that time. After that I prepared a snack and came to this point I am at now. So here I am eating my snack that consists of pecans, cashews, pumpkin seeds, raisins, and one avocado. I have noticed lately the strength of my desire for the pleasure I get from eating. There have been times where I am at work and find myself looking forward to going home just so I can eat. I find myself still in the mentality of going from pleasure to pleasure. I've been interested in the idea of expanding my fasting time. Most days I fast anywhere from 15-18 hours. I've been thinking about working towards a plan of one meal per day. I understand its potential and I intend to experiment with it to observe the benefits. The thoughts of it are becoming realities. I realize I would need to measure out more precisely the foods I would need and how much of them so I can create one to two meals that I consume during a much shorter window. Possibly one to two hours. I expect this will greatly affect my cravings and dependence I currently have for foods.

Other than my dependence on food, in recent weeks or months I have been addressing more directly my dependence on money and the illusion of security it provides. I have been using more mantra to bring abundance into my life, bring wealth. I've always had this aversion to money. As if it was bad to make any. From a time when I was very young I understood that my family was living paycheck to paycheck, never in abundance, but always just enough. We were more comfortable at some points, but those points were transient. When I was in grade 7 my family's business was doing really well and we were able in that year to purchase a new car, a new snowmobile, and a new dirtbike. Shortly after the business's circumstances were changed and we began to make far less money. Eventually the business ended because of this and we went back to making just enough to live. I always hoped to be rich, I always dreamed of retiring early. But I always saw it through the eyes of fantasy rather than the possible. I would tell myself and I remember telling my mother that I would retire by 30. I always felt myself capable to some degree, I always thought that I would figure something out that no one else did or could and I would have my ticket to freedom. In some manner I did figure something out that somewhat elevated me to this state of control and understanding that could provide me with anything I desire. It just so happened that with that figuring out I also realized that what I came to desire because of this figuring out was that everyone be free, not just myself. I know that I cannot be fully free unless everyone is because I know that I am not just myself but part of the whole. I am but a single cell in the body of existence, and if the entire body is not free and functioning to its full capacity then neither can I. So my sense of retirement now is different but in some ways still the same. I wish to be free yes, of debt, of servitude to that which I disagree with. But my idea of freedom now is the freedom to serve a purpose that I have chosen out of right desire, rather than fear. Beforehand all my motives were fear based. I often think of the difference between desire based in fear and right desire, although I usually try to avoid words like 'right'. When I am in a state of nothingness, where only the energy of the universe flows through me and nothing exists; where no thing exists, and nothing as a thing exists. This concept of emptiness is the only thing that does exist, but its very nature implies that nothing exists, there is nothing to it, it has no properties, no characteristics, no lifespan. It simply is and it simply isn't. When in this state desire is not needed. It is not present. There is no process of thought of a thing and the subsequent action of obtaining said thing. There is just responsiveness. Something happens and the mind, body, and soul respond appropriately. There is no decision to be made. There is no question to be answered. The concept of freedom now is to live every moment in this state. In complete awareness of all possibilities so the being automatically takes the path of the most powerful possibility. The one that creates the state of freedom, that sustains the state of freedom it is already in. If in every moment I am doing what is necessary to sustain that state of freedom for myself and concomitantly the entirety of reality then that is my retirement. I know I will be working for the rest of my life. Sometimes it may be simple work, sometimes it may be arduous but the fact that it will be that which resonates with what I know to be this truth means I will be free. It will not be work. It will be play, it will be nature evolving, naturally.